Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Being Schooled

It is difficult for me to know the difference between a right and wrong decision sometimes; I feel the same level of anxiety and trepidation. Only recently have I come to realize that a decision based in love is always right. A decision based in fear is often not. 

And so it is super confusing when you fear the love. You fear feeling the deep connection, the loyalty, and the bond that is real love. Again. And then when you have the love, you fear losing it. So, just continue to love and that is when the feeling is just right. It is fulfilling and uplifting and pure. 

The moment I realized I found a love, tears poured down my cheeks. It was joy briefly, then it was overwhelming responsibility to care for and love and protect.  But the calm came from knowing that it is right. It is the right time and place. And it has only become more right with each day. 

A man? Pshaw. He wishes. No, a boy. A furry, sweet, snuggly baby boy puppy.  And dark in the night after a long and weary day, tears rolled down my cheeks. He and I are something special. And I am excited and scared and happy and ready.

We make mistakes. Often. But it doesn't chink our armor. We bond over it. And that little prince loves me regardless of what I do or don't do. He loves me for loving him. And I do. Love him. A lot. 

I am so grateful that I can know this feeling. It's unconditional and secure and it's mutual. I venture to say it's a first for me.  And instead of fearing that it will dissipate, I know it will in fact last forever.

We've learned to play, that cushy beds are super comfy, leaves in the wind are fun to chase, acorns can't be cracked with our teeth, shadows are scary, and the crate might not be so bad after all.  And interestingly enough, I have had the bonus of learning who the truest friend are... the friend who skypes with you as you approach a training technique that you're apprehensive about. That is a very special friend.

I can't wait to learn more. With Ollie.